A Bat Out of Hell aka Crime Never Sleeps
by TouchedbyaMunster
Summary: Gotham re-imagined as if it was done in the comedic style of Police Squad! starring the late Leslie Nielsen. Featuring most of the same characters from Gotham.
1. Chapter 1

GOTHAM! (Police sirens wail in the distance)

STARRING BEN MCKENZIE! Gordon gets out of his squad car and someone shoots at him. He shoots back.

ALSO STARRING DONAL LOGUE! Bullock is filing papers at the precinct, when a man in flames comes running by screaming and crashes through the window. Bullock shoots his gun as someone shoots at him.

AND DANIEL DAY-LEWIS AS ABRAHAM LINCOLN! Abe Lincoln is in his seat at Ford Theater and someone (probably John Wilkes Booth) shoots his hat off. He turns around in surprise, and shoots back.

TONIGHT'S SPECIAL GUEST STAR: JUSTIN BIEBER! Justin Bieber is being lifted up on the stage for a concert, wearing angel wings. The rope he's tethered to snaps, and he falls. A piano that is being lifted up then falls on him.

TONIGHT'S EPISODE: A BAT OUT OF HELL! ("Crime Never Sleeps!")

We open at a movie theatre, where young Bruce Wayne walks out with his parents after just seeing a rousing adventure movie.

"That movie was so cool, dad!" Bruce exclaims, "I wanna be like Zorro when I grow up!"

"You'll have plenty of time to hunt down criminal scum when your older, son!" Thomas says, "Remember, criminals are a superstitious, cowardly lot!"

"Thomas Wayne, don't go telling him that!" Martha says, "You'll give him nightmares!"

"Oh, Martha," Thomas says, "The boy needs to know the harsh reality of life!"

"Yeah, starting with this!" comes a voice from the shadows, as a mugger points a gun at them, "Gimme yer money, fat cats!"

"You think I'm fat?" Martha exclaims, as she smacks the mugger with her purse.

"Don't you dare call my wife, fat!" Thomas says, "Just because she wears plus-size pantyhose doesn't mean she's fat!" He started attacking the mugger.

"I want your money!" he shouts.

"We don't give anything to rude people!" Martha scoffs.

"Alright, that tears it!" the mugger yells, "Guess the kid's gonna be an orphan now!" He shoots them both. They reel around dramatically as they fall to their deaths.

"MOM! DAD!" Bruce shouts.

"Uh-oh, better get out of here!" the mugger says.

"Remember…son..." Thomas says weakly, wheezing with every breath, "You need to…protect this city! Ohhh!"

"Dad!" Bruce cries, "I'll get a doctor!"

"No!" Thomas cries, "Your knee is on my groin, son!"

"Oh, sorry dad!" Bruce says.

"And remember…Bruce," Martha says, "Clean your room and… mind your manners. Don't talk to strangers and… do your… homework every night! And…make sure to eat all your vegetables! Listen to… Alfred!"

"We…love you, son!" Thomas says, as they take their last breaths.

"I love you, too!" Bruce says, sobbing. "I promise you, your deaths will not be in vain! I will avenge your deaths as a silent protector, a watchful guardian, and I will make sure to invest your money in my private collection of winged rodent-themed crime fighting equipment! And should any aliens come to Earth, I'm gonna kick their butts unless they have a mom with the same name as mine!"

The next day, a squad car comes drives down the road.

 _My name is Detective James Gordon, special task force division of the GCPD. I was getting my haircut when I received a summons from the precinct. Some rich kid's parents just got shot. I headed to Stately Wayne Manor as fast as I could. My partner, Harvey, was already on the scene._ As he narrates, his barber is in the backseat of the car, continuing to cut his hair as he drives. When Gordon gets to Wayne Manor, he crashes into a row of trash cans, knocking them over. Alfred Pennyworth answers the door.

"Right this way, sir," Alfred says, as he directs Gordon inside.

"What's the story, Harv?" as he comes over to Bullock.

"Well, Jim," Harvey says, "They've got a lot. _Alice in Wonderland, The Prince and the Pauper, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde…_ "

"No, I mean the case," Gordon says.

"It is a pretty firm bookcase," Alfred says.

"No, the crime!" Gordon says. "Can I speak with the boy?"

"He's right upstairs!" Alfred says, "Master Bruce, come on down here lad!"

"Yes?" Bruce asks as he comes down, draped in a black cloak.

"He's been upstairs for hours, dressed in black and trying to do martial arts," Alfred says, "He's been sleeping upside-down. And don't get me started on the excrement."

"Sorry to bother you, Mr. Wayne," Gordon says, "We would've come earlier, but your parents weren't dead then." Bruce starts crying.

"Be quiet," Alfred snaps, "Can't you see you're hurtin' the boy?"

"Oh, he looks fine to me!" Gordon says, "Not a scratch on 'im!"

"I mean emotionally!" Alfred says, "He just saw his mum and dad murdered in front of 'is eyes! Can you imagine how traumatic that must be?"

"No, can't say that I do," Gordon replies, "I did see my mother almost get tumbled to death in a washer when I was ten, though. We were at the laundromat, and Mom got too close to the washer and got sucked in after the handyman made some adjustments to the appliance." Bruce and Alfred are horrified.

"When the paramedics finally arrived a half hour later, Mom was a wreck. She could barely move. All she kept moaning was, 'Make sure Jimmy has clean underwear every day.'" Gordon continues, "Yeah, she was never the same after that. Hasn't washed her clothes since. Kids today don't even know what a laundromat is anymore."

"Still can't believe it," Alfred says, crying, "Thomas Wayne was the best employer I've ever worked for! Cut down in the prime of his life! That's no way for a man to die!"

"You're right!" Jim says, "Gunned down by a plane in a cornfield, now that's a way to die! Choking on the world's biggest ham sandwich, that's the way I wanna go!" Alfred and Bruce continue crying.

"Uh, could we check out the scene of the crime?" Harvey asks.

"Of course," Alfred says, as they walk into the study. They head over to a screen, and a projector rolls.

"The crime, scene 1, Action!" a director calls. Bruce's parents are shot.

"Devastating," Jim says, as Bruce runs away crying.

"Oh, and I think I have someone that could help you." Alfred says, "Dr. Thompkins, would you come down here, please?" Suddenly, a gorgeous woman starts slowly walking down the staircase, as Jim and Harvey are mesmerized, their lustful gaze, following her seductive stare as they lock eyes. Suddenly, the woman trips and falls down the stairs.

"Someone get a doctor over here!" Gordon yells.

"I am a doctor," Thompkins says, "And it's ok, I'm fine. My name is Dr. Leslie Thompkins, but my friends call me Lee."

"Nice to meet you, Lee," Jim says, as he kisses her hand.

"I'm a friend of Bruce's late father, and I thought I could console Bruce now," Leslie says, as Jim continues to kiss her hand.

"You can console me," Jim says, as she smacks him.

"Hey, let's not get off on the wrong foot here," Bullock says as he accidentally trips over Alfred's foot, "Let's go investigate the crime." Later, in Crime Alley, Jim, Harvey, and Leslie survey the scene. Someone is taking a selfie with the bodies of Thomas and Martha Wayne. They walk over the chalk drawing of the bodies. There is also a drawing a stick figures fighting on the wall of the alley.

"Were there any witnesses?" Jim asks.

"Besides the Wayne kid? No." Harvey says.

"Did someone dust for prints?" Jim asks.

"Taking care of that right now," Harvey says, as a maid dusts off a nearby framed photograph of the late singer, Prince.

"Hey," a young, female voice whispers, as Jim goes over to a dark corner of the alley. He sees a young girl dressed in black with curly hair and goggles on her head. "I may have seen somethin'."

"Who are you?" Jim asks.

"The name's Selina Kyle," she says, "but my friends call me Cat."

"Ok, Cat, what did you see?" he asks.

"I wish I could remember" Selina says, "but it's all so blurry."

"I'll make it worth your while," Jim says, handing her a twenty dollar bill.

"My memory's still kinda fuzzy," Selina says.

"Ok, maybe this'll help!" Jim says, as he hands her another twenty.

"There was this man." Selina says, "He was wearing a mask. He shot them and ran away."

"Did he say anything before or after he shot them?" Jim asks.

"Why should I tell you, copper?" Selina asks. He hands her ten dollars. "Alright, he asked for their money. Why do you care, anyway?"

"You don't need to know." Jim says. She hands him a twenty. "Alright, I'm on a case. Do you know the killer's name?" She glares at him, and looks to the side in silence. He gives her back the twenty.

"He didn't say," Selina says.

"Hey, Jim," Harvey calls, "We got a lead! I talked to a couple of Falcone's guys down the street, and they said the suspect might be a joe named Chill."

"You're the one who needs to chill, Harv," Jim says.

 _I couldn't get any solid information out of the girl, and we couldn't pin down any credible leads. I went to an old friend of mine who knew his way around town._ Jim narrates, as he walks down another alley to a shoe shiner. He sits in a chair.

"What's the word on the street, Johnny?" Jim asks.

"I don't know," Johnny says, as he shines his shoes. "I hear a lotta things. Pick a topic."

"Do you know anything about the Wayne murders that happened a couple blocks over?" Jim asks, as he slips him a dollar.

"People are saying it wasn't no random mugging," Johnny says, as he looks around while continuing to shine Jim's shoes, "Word in the criminal underworld is that the hitman was hired by a mob boss. Maybe Falcon, Moxon, or Maroni."

"Do you know if he was seen anywhere prior to the killing?" Jim asks, as he hands him another dollar.

"All I know is," Johnny says, "that he was seen at Mooney's place two nights ago, counting his chips with the Valestra mob."

"Thanks, Johnny," Jim says, as he gets up and walks away. Moments later, a middle-aged blonde woman in a blue pantsuit sits down.

"Alright, Johnny," she says, "How am I doing with the voters?"

"How should I know? he asks. She slips him a twenty dollar bill. "The millennials don't like you very much, but you're getting the majority of democratic votes. You'll be a shoo-in for president!" Later, at Fish Mooney's nightclub, Jim Gordon and Harvey Bullock walk in.

"May I check your coats, gentlemen?" a girl by the entrance asks.

"Sure," Gordon says. She then takes a marker and draws a check mark on each of their coats. Jim and Harvey go sit at a nearby table. Fish Mooney's bodyguard, Butch Gilzean, comes up to them.

"Hey boss," Butch says, "The boss will see you now!" They walk into her office and stand facing her desk, the chair facing backwards towards the wall.

"I heard you boys are looking for trouble," Fish says. The chair whirls around, revealing it to be empty. The camera pans over and Fish is standing next to her desk in a dark corner of the room. "And there's always plenty of trouble here in Gotham!"

"Fish, we need some information," Harvey says.

"Hold it, Harvey, who's the new guy?" Fish asks.

"Detective James Gordon, ma'am." Gordon says, as he shakes her hand.

"Charmed," Fish says, as she squeezes his hand. She lets go, and Jim massages his hand. "Now, what can I do for you boys?"

"We're investigating the murder of Thomas and Martha Wayne," Gordon says.

"Well, that's pretty adventurous," Fish says, "Especially for a rookie cop. Why come to me?"

"We have reason to believe the suspect was last seen here at your club prior to shooting the Waynes." Gordon says.

"Well, I don't know for sure," Fish says, "Butch or Oswald will have the records of the guests who were here that night."

"Here's everything," Butch says, setting down a box of vinyl records.

"Cigarette?" Jim asks, offering Fish a cancer stick.

"Yes, I know." Fish says.

"Wow, they got everything from Sinatra to Nat King Cole," Harvey says, examining the records, "But Fish, are you sure you didn't see anyone suspicious?"

"Harvey, everyone who comes into my club is suspicious!" Fish says, "We got tons of mobsters! There's no way to know for sure if the murderer was here!"

"You may be right," Jim says, picking up a record labeled, "The Killers", and looks at it quizzically. "Uh, we'll call you if we find any leads, Ms. Mooney."

"You do that, gorgeous." Fish says. She smiles at them as they leave. Her smile quickly turns to a grimace, and she crushes the record she is holding.


	2. Chapter 2

ACT II: LIEBER

 _We couldn't find anything of value at Mooney's, so we headed back to the station, and I went to see if the lab boys came up with any fresh clues._ As Jim narrates, he is driving, and crashes his car into trash cans in front of the police station. Inside, Edward Nygma is instructing young Tommy Elliot.

"Riddle me this, Tommy," Ed says, "If your next-door neighbor, Mrs. Jones and this bowling ball are each dropped to the ground from this balcony, which do you suppose will hit the ground first?"

"The bowling ball?" Tommy asks.

"Let's find out!" Ed says, as they cut ropes that Mrs. Jones and the bowling ball are attached to. Mrs. Jones falls, screaming, and a cop gets knocked unconscious with the bowling ball just as Jim and Harvey walk in.

"Wow, it looks like it was Mrs. Jones!" Tommy says. "Holy Shnikes!"

"Remember Tommy boy," Ed says, "Objects in motion stay in motion, while objects at rest stay at rest. This is Newton's first law of motion."

"Ed, we need your help with something." Jim says.

"Ok, Jim," Ed says, "Why don't you run along now, Tommy, and next week I'll show you why loudmouth billionaires make bad presidential candidates."

"Gee, thanks Mr. Nygma!" Tommy says, as he runs off.

"What have you got for me, Ed?" Jim asks.

"Well, Jim, I've analyzed the forensic evidence that Dr. Thompkins sent over from the crime scene, and I've come up with some fascinating conclusions." Ed says.

"Which are?" Jim asks.

"Well, according to this evidence," Ed says, "I've deduced that both Thomas and Martha Wayne have type-O blood, and liked to go on long walks on the beach together."

"How'd you find that out?" Gordon asks.

"Well, there was this photograph in Thomas Wayne's coat pocket," Ed says, as he places the blood-spattered photo before Jim, that shows Thomas and Martha walking on the beach, carelessly stepping over a little boy's sandcastle.

"How about the killer?" Gordon asks, "Have you found out who shot them?"

"It's more powerful that God, more evil than the devil. The poor have it, the rich need it, and if you eat it, you die. What is it?" Ed asks.

"Nothing," Jim says, "You couldn't find anything?"

"Well, I cool things down and take things slow. What am I?" Ed asks.

"A chill," Jim says, "You're the one who needs to chill out, Ed."

"But the real riddle is who hired the killer," Ed says, "Perhaps you should investigate that next."

"Alright, I suppose so," Gordon says, "See you later, Ed."

"Jim, wait!" Ed says, "There's one more thing Dr. Thompkins wanted me to give you." He hands him a piece of paper. Jim sees a number on it.

"Give her a call," Ed says.

"Thanks, Ed." Jim says, as he walks away.

"Oh, Jim," Captain Sarah Essen calls, "I need to see both you and Bullock in my office." He slowly walks in.

"What's this about, Captain?" Gordon asks.

"I heard you're on the Wayne murder case," Essen says, "I advise you to drop it. There's too much corruption in this city! Why, half the force is on the take! This could get you killed!"

"This-could-get-you-killed is my middle name!" Jim says.

"Well, what about Lee?" Harvey asks.

"I don't know her middle name," Jim says, "I'll ask her when I call her later. But, with all due respect, ma'am, that's exactly why I feel I should stay on the case. Sure, this city is a filthy cesspool, full of rotting, vile, putrid waste—"

"My gosh, Jim, tone it down!" a cop calls out, "I'm trying to eat a tuna sandwich!"

"But this is our city!" Jim says, "We have to fight for it, and I'm last line of defense between scum and the decent citizens in this city!"

"OK, fine," Essen replies, "But no funny business. I don't want any fiascos like what happened last month by the narrows."

"Yes, well, when I see a bunch of guys in weird outfits running around stabbing some guy while a hundred people watch helplessly, I shoot them!" Jim says.

"That was a Tae Kwon-do weapons demonstration, you idiot!" Essen says, "You killed several trained martial artists!"

"Oops," Jim says, as a look of guilt washes over his face.

Later that evening, Jim was walking home to his apartment building. As he goes inside, he sees a light underneath the crack of his door. He slowly creeps in, as he draws his pistol. As he sneaks into his room, he points his gun. A door swings back and hits him in the face.

"That's gonna leave a mark!" Jim says.

"Want me to kiss it and make it better?" a female voice asks. Jim cocks his gun. He turns and sees Leslie Thomkins sitting before him in a sexy evening gown.

"Don't mind if I do," Jim says. "Though I should probably tell you it's not a good idea to invade the home of a cop."

"Well, when you didn't call, I decided to drop by and make myself at home." Leslie says.

"I was gonna call you, honest!" Jim says.

"At least you don't call me a liar." Leslie says. "Tell you what, wanna take me out to dinner?"

"Great idea," Jim says, "I'm starved." Later, at the restaurant, Jim and Leslie are eating at a table.

"So, Jim, tell me about yourself," Leslie says, as she takes a sip of wine.

"I'm nothing special, Lee," Jim says, "Why don't you tell me a bit about you first?"

"Well, I wasn't always a doctor," Lee says, "I used to be a dental hygienist, and I studied classical poetry in college."

"Sounds like a waste of time, to me," Jim says, as Lee glares at him, "I mean for someone as brilliant as you, of course."

"I can tell you haven't had too much experience with women, detective," Lee says.

"Oh no," Jim says, "Actually before I met you, I was a wreck. I was engaged to be married to my former lover, Barbara. But it wasn't meant to be." As he talks, he remembers a flashback, of her running gleefully up to his apartment, and right as she got to the door, it swung open and hit her in the face. She tripped over a bottle in the hall and fell backward, out the hall window, and fell 20 stories, the sound of a vacuum cleaner masking her scream to the oblivious Jim.

"She disappeared one day, and I never saw her again," Jim continues, "I was heartbroken until you came along, Lee."

"Well, I suppose I'm a doctor in more ways than one," Lee says, as she leans in to kiss him. Suddenly, his radio buzzes. He quickly picks it up while Lee does a swift face-plant into Jim's salad. Jim quickly leaves the restaurant, and gets in his car and drives away. Meanwhile, at Arkham Asylum, Professor Hugo Strange is meeting with a patient named Basil Karlo.

"Word around town is this Detective Gordon is becoming a little too…curious," Strange says, "The Court wants him…dealt with. Can you handle that?"

"Of course," Karlo replies, "I'm ready for anything, sir!"

"Excellent!" Strange says with a sinister smile. Meanwhile, back at Police Headquarters.

"Bullock, what have you found?" Jim asks.

"Well, Jim," Bullock says, "I don't know for sure, but I have a hunch that all the mob families in town are gonna be meeting right here." He points to a location on a map, where several thumbtacks are placed together in one area.

"We gotta nail them," Bullock continues, "Maroni, Grissom, Valestra, Falcone, Moxon, they're all gonna be there. Smart money says at least one of those lowlifes hired the thug who iced the Waynes."

"Wait a minute," Jim says, "Who's Smart Money?"

"He's a new rapper." Harvey says, as he holds up a CD "I just bought his latest album. Turns out he's a close friend of the Cat girl you were talkin' to."

"Well, the Waynes didn't look very frozen when I saw their bodies, that's all I know," Gordon says.

"But they did feel a Chill," Nygma says, as he walks by.

"Alright, what do you know, Ed?" Jim asks angrily, as he pins him to the wall.

"The answers to almost every and any riddle," Ed says, "As well as the birthdays of every president, the spoilers for the next _Game of Thrones_ episode, and what your ex-girlfriend said before she died."

"Oh," Jim says, "So who's gonna get killed off next episode?"

"We don't have time for this, Jim!" Harvey says, "Let's go!" They get on the elevator.

"Say, Jim, I got tickets to the Gotham Knights game tonight," Harvey says, "Wanna join me?"

"No thanks, Harv," Jim says, "There's work to be done." As they're talking, the elevator doors open, and a luchador gets on from the wrestling ring. He promptly exits the elevator and takes down another wrestler. Gordon and Bullock get off on the ground floor, and Gordon is grabbed from behind. He struggles with his assailant, and starts attacking him. He pushes against the wall, elbows him in the face, and knees him in the groin.

"Jim!" Harvey calls, as his partner and the attacker are battling each other from around the corner from him.

"I'm ok, Harvey," Jim says, with a not-so-subtle wink.

"Ok, let's go," Harvey says, "We gotta get these mooks before we lose the trail!" They walk away. Later on, at an abandoned warehouse in the lower East side, several mob families are meeting.

"We're not gonna take this anymore!" Falcone yells, "The Falcone family has the most territory in this town! It's time we clean house!" Several maids come up behind him as he is speaking.

"Carmine," Fish Mooney says, "Perhaps leadership of the family belongs to someone younger, more feminine."

"Who do you have in mind, toots?" Falcone asks.

"Please, don't call me toots." Fish says.

"Well, I'll tell you one thing," Maroni says, "Strange gave me control of the Arkham district."

"Gentlemen," Hugo Strange says, "Let's not fight amongst ourselves!"

"You're right," comes a voice, "because there's a new crime boss in town, and he goes by the Penguin!" Oswald Cobblepot waddles forward.

"Oswald!" Fish snaps, "You're gonna pay, you little snitch!"

"Please calm down, Ms. Mooney," Hugo says, "The Detective Gordon problem has been eliminated."

"Freeze, you scum!" Harvey Bullock shouts, as he and Gordon come rushing in.

"You sure about that?" Fish asks, "It doesn't look like he has!"

"Looks can be deceiving," Strange says, as Gordon delivers a swift, knife-hand strike to Harvey's neck, knocking him unconscious.

"So you put the good cop on our side?" Carmine asks.

"No, Mr. Falcone," Hugo says, "Even my prowess over the human mind couldn't persuade James Gordon to join us. This is Mr. Basil Karlo. Mr. Karlo possesses a unique gift, the ability to change his face. I didn't want to take it this far, but my colleague failed me."

"I'm sorry, Dr. Strange," Leslie Thompkins says, coming forward.

"I know, Leslie," Hugo says, "Just as I convinced your old friend Thomas Wayne that he was wrong in his research."

"You didn't have to kill him you know!" Leslie cries, "He and I may have disagreed, but he was still my friend!"

"I didn't kill him," Strange says, "Whatever are you talking about, my dear?"

"No, but I know you hired someone to do it." Leslie says.

"I think you need a bit of fresh air, Dr. Thompkins," Strange says, "Perhaps the chilly night air will do you some good. Ms. Peabody, would you mind escorting her out please?"

"Yes, doctor." Ethel Peabody says, as she grabs Leslie and takes her away.

"Hold it right there!" comes of voice, as Jim Gordon leaps down from the window.

"Gordon!" Strange exclaims.

"Jim!" Leslie cries.

"You're both right!" Jim says.

"How is this possible?" Strange asks. "I thought you were taken care of!" He glares at Karlo.

"You thought wrong, Hugo!" Jim yells, "I was able to break myself out of that storage locker and then I followed Harvey and my impersonator here! Impersonating a cop can get you in a lot of trouble!"

"Not as much trouble as you're in right now!" Strange says, "I'll give ten thousand dollars to the first man who takes out Gordon!"

"Pardon me?" Fish asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Or woman." Hugo says. The crime lords rush at Jim, but he starts punching them. Harvey Bullock wakes up and starts helping Jim fight the thugs.

"Wait, didn't you lead me into a trap?" Harvey asks. "And you were stuck in a locker? No wonder you smell like dirty gym socks."

"That wasn't me, he only looked like me!" Jim says, "If he was the real me, he'd know I have an undying love for Italian opera and an extra toe on my left foot! And I don't smell any different from how I normally do!"

"You're right," Harvey says, as he punches Karlo.

"Harvey, don't do this!" Fish says. "We had something together."

"It's over, Fish!" Harvey says, as he handcuffs her.

"Give it up, Strange!" Gordon says, "We know you hired the thug who shot the Waynes! I want his name! Spill it!" Strange knocks over a glass of Coca-Cola, and the spilt liquid spells out the word, "Chill".

"Chill," Jim says, as a bell rings in the distance, "that name rings a bell."

"It should," Strange says, "He's the man who killed them. But he's left Gotham by now. You'll never find him! The Court will make sure of it!"

"Where is he?" Jim demands, "Who's the Court?"

"You won't find the Court," Strange says, "They'll find you! But so many questions, so little time!" He grabs Leslie and points a gun on her.

"So that's how you wanna play, huh?" Gordon asks. "Well, two can play at that game!" He grabs a nearby homeless woman from off the street and uses her as a shield. Hugo throws Leslie at Jim and he pushes the homeless woman aside while he grabs Lee. Strange runs off, but Bullock trips him and Strange goes flying into a pile of fertilizer.

"Ok, Harvey," Jim says, "Let's round up these scum-sucking dirtballs!"

"Already done," Harvey says, "I called in Montoya and Allen for backup. And sheesh, Jim, lighten up, will ya? I just got a Danish from across the street!"

"Jim, I'm so sorry!" Lee says. "I didn't know what Strange was planning. I never lied about my feelings for you!"

"That's alright, Lee." Jim says. "A man can only have his heart broken once. After that, it collapses into a black hole and forms an endless unfillable void that nothing can ever heal. But my heart's still beating, and it beats for you!"

"Oh, Jim!" Lee says, as they kiss.

EPILOGUE

Jim and Harvey arrive at Wayne manor once again. Alfred answers the door.

"Detective Gordon, Detective Bullock, do come in," Alfred says.

"Detective Gordon," Bruce says, shaking his hand.

"The feeling's mutual, son," Gordon says, returning the handshake.

"Were you able to find the man who killed my parents?" Bruce asks.

"No," Gordon says, "But we did arrest every drug peddler, murderer, mobster, thug, psychopath, and rapist this town has to offer, so aside from that, the city's clean of crime."

"Dr. Thompkins told us about her part in all of it," Alfred says.

"Yes, and we've forgiven her," Bruce says, "After all, she was a trusted friend of my father, and Strange just manipulated her."

"Well, we'll find the scum who did it," Gordon says. "Strange did give us a name though."

"Which was?" Bruce asks.

"Chill," Gordon says.

"Don't tell me to chill!" Bruce shouts.

"Easy, Master Bruce," Alfred says, "You've had a rough day since your parents just died. Why don't you go relax upstairs?"

"It may take weeks," Gordon says, "it may take months, but I will personally find the scum who did this and see that he faces justice! Not one man on the force will rest until he's caught! Now, how about we go for a bite to eat?" Jim pats Alfred on the back and smiles as the camera freezes. The end credits roll and Bruce comes downstairs dressed in a bat-costume and runs around the room while Jim, Alfred, and Harvey remain frozen in time.

THE END


End file.
